Well I went back to weight watchers meetings today. I haven;t gained all the weight back but 12 lbs is enough. Ugh. It is what it is and I can't dwell on it as I can't change what happened, I can only change right now.
I am two days binge free. #praisegod
Chapter 1 Day 2-
Solomon 4:7 - "You are altogether beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you."
Why do I struggle with seeing myself the way God sees me? Why do I struggle with the reflection in the mirror? Maybe all the years of trying to please others? Being what everyone expected? Was it things old boy friends said/did? Was it things my parents said? Maybe its because I don't have enough faith or knowledge in God to realize his words really are the truth that will set me free. That last one came to me an hour after I started writing this entry. Maybe this is where I will come to hear God.
I did not grow up in a faith-filed home. God or church was never discussed in my home. It wasn't until after I graduated High School and entered my early 20's did I wander to him. My father and I went to a Methodist church together and at 22 I was "baptized". I don't know when I stopped going to church, a lot happened in my 20's. It was my late 20's that I started attending a non-denominational church, which I absolutely loved. It wasn't until I met Dave and attended his non-denominational church did I realize what being "saved" and "born-again" was. January 2009 I officially gave my life to Jesus and February 14, 2009 I had my water baptism. So in reality I not a seasoned Christian. Sometimes I don't know what I am doing. My faith drifts so much. And its now I realize that I need to sit down and spend quality time with God if I want things to change.
Thank you Lord for that realization.
So on to my 10 things I love about myself:
- I love that no matter what I don't give up
- I love that I'm always looking for ways to help others
- I love my heart
- I love that I DO have an hourglass shape
- I love that I AM a good mom
- I love that I am gentle
- I love that I am smart
- I love that I can fix things that are broke
- I love that I can ask for help
- I love that I can read directions
This is only day two and this really is a struggle, although today moved faster than yesterday. I hope that I can come up with things as the days progress.
So until then....
