The beaten path

I still here and I am still so off track.  Part of me just doesn't care and a part of me is screaming to the other half of me "Get Back Up Kristina."  The devil has a hold on me and I feel like I am in quick sand.  Hes keeping me down and hes keeping me tired so that I have no energy to fight back.  I feel like I am slowly fading away and losing a piece of myself.  I wonder if this is what Moses felt like when he circled the desert for 40 years.  Man this is awful.

How am I supposed to help others when I can't even help myself right now. 

I need to start a new routine.  Force myself out of bed in the morning. Exercise and log my food, before a gain another 10 lbs.   I still pay a weight watchers fee.  I should just attend meetings again at work if for nothing else but the accountability.  

I have a lot of days lately where I just feel alone even with all these friends that surround me.   Some of them would never truly understand what I'm going through spiritually.   I don't even know if my husband would.  

This strong hold needs to go. These chains need to break. I need a mighty move of God right now. But I can't seem to open my mouth because I'm not sure he hears me anymore.  I try, but not hard enough.  

My life right now is like Moses'.  I don't wanna walk in this circle for 40 more years.  Lord help me.