Im feeling a little better than I was yesterday. I am trying to be optomistic and positive but its hard when we try so hard to get a head and we don't. We go to Church... we thithe....although sometimes I'm not the greatest at it but I try. I try to be a blessing to others. Yet we struggle. These are the issues that make me doubt. God sees our struggle. God sees that Dave pays out all this child support and that even with my good salary still combined our total take home is only minium wage. Everything is going up. Noah's insurance increased this month. Im going to have to have dental work done (more on that to follow). We hate living in this apartment but we can't save money because there is always something that needs to be done. Everytime I had a decent amount saved the car broke down or we had to get a new van. And although it was a blessing that we were able to take care of these things.... I went from no car payments to a $300 car payment. Its stressfull. I try not to worry but I do. I don't want Noah to have to go without. Plus this is his first year of school and I want him to enjoy it so that he will continue to like school so I want him to be involved in things as much as possible. I do take advantage of free outtings but not everything is free.
Wait on the Lord it says. Well we are waiting. Its all we do is wait. God we need you and it feels like you just pass over us. We are waiting for you to make a mighty move. Your word says wait and here we are waiting...
I will be the first to admit that the dentist gives me anxiety. So much so that it brings me to tears. Before working for Carrols I didn't have dental insurance.. which means I haven't seen the dentist since my senior year of High school... or over 16 years ago. I have had dental insurance for a year now and I finally got the courage to make an appointment since I am having issues with my wisdom teeth.
The initial appointment was just xrays and a consultation. I still had tears in the chair. It is sad when my 5 year old does better than his mother at the dentist. He is far braver than I am or ever was. I had the same anxiety even as a kid.
Anyways... all my wisdom teeth need to come out.
People's comments are making me more anxious and doubt. I went to Aspen dental. Some people love it while others had horrible experiences. The dentist was nice and said even though all this time has passed its not as bad as I made it in my mind. They did say I have gum disease but I went in there knowing that there was a chance I had it. Should it be treated yes? Can I afford it? Probably not. I am waiting for them to call me to tell me what the cost will be. Right now I'm more concerned about getting my wisdom teeth out (one's infected and I'm now on antibiotics) and the cavities filled. I can worry about the rest later.
Well until next time...
I'm still here waiting on the Lord to make a mighty move in my life.
